


Learning by Heart

by clavicular



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Asexuality, Canon Relationship, F/M, Kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-25
Updated: 2010-11-25
Packaged: 2017-10-13 09:15:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/135646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clavicular/pseuds/clavicular
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sarah comes out to John.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Learning by Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [multifandom kissing meme](http://insane-duckfish.livejournal.com/355908.html).

It was two months after their first date that Sarah realised she'd have to tell him. At first this thing they were doing had just been a bit of fun. She hadn't intended it to get serious enough that he needed to know. But things had been going well, and it was getting harder to deny that she wanted them to _keep_ going. God help her, she was falling for John Watson. She wanted to be honest.

She took him out for dinner in one of the more expensive parts of town and insisted on paying for everything. Despite his reluctant agreement, Sarah knew John would try to pay anyway. She stole his wallet so he couldn't; Sherlock had been teaching her to pick pockets.

The date was wonderful. She tried to memorise every detail in case it was their last. They got a taxi back to her house and held hands the whole way. A tiny smile was playing across John's face and Sarah tried to memorise that too. They kissed on her doorstep; a brief, closed-mouth affair. John started to pull away, muttering something about Sherlock and experiments and rescuing his flat.

"Please stay," Sarah said. She felt helpless. "I have to... We should talk."

The last time Sarah had seen John so terrified, there'd been a gun in his face. It would have been funny, but she knew she looked even worse. Still, he was so charming, standing there in the moonlight. She cupped a hand around the back of his neck and stretched up, brushing her lips against his cheek. She tried not to wonder if she'd ever get to do it again.

"Come on," she said, tugging him into the house. He followed her into the lounge room, and hovered awkwardly by the doorway when she took a seat.

"Isn't it traditional to do the breaking up _over_ dinner?" he asked.

"I'm not breaking up with you," she said, and hoped it was true. "Sit _down_."

John sat. He was still eying the exits hopefully.

"If this is about the time I almost got us killed..."

"Which one?" Sarah asked, grinning despite herself. "I keep losing track."

John's return smile was gone almost as soon as it appeared.

"It's not that?" he asked.

Sarah shook her head. "It's not you at all, it's-" she stopped. Not the most reassuring sentence, under the circumstances.

John was watching her with his arms folded. Sarah took a breath. She was distantly aware of her fingers curled around the edges of the lounge's cushions, nails digging in. She looked down at them.

"I'm asexual," she said.

Her nails dug further into the chair.

"Oh," said John. "That... actually explains a lot."

"It's ok if you want to freak out," Sarah said. "Or walk out. Or anything."

There was an awful moment of silence. She must have left permanent scratches in the cushion fabric by now. And then a hand landed on one of her own. John gently prised her fingers from the chair and threaded them through his own.

"It's a bit unexpected," he said.

Sarah snorted. "My last boyfriend wanted to know if I had any idea what relationships were actually for," she said. "Thought I'd come around, eventually, then decided I was probably a lesbian and left. Did me a favour, really."

Sarah hadn't meant to bring that up. She could feel John's gaze on her, but couldn't quite meet it. She wasn't sure what she hoped she'd see.

She gave him a brittle smile. "I haven't dated in a while."

John's grip tightened on her hand.

  
The pause stretched, and Sarah sensed John hesitating.

"So you're, what, heteroromantic?" he asked her after a moment.

She glanced up at him, intrigued.

"I am," she said, cautiously. "That's not a widely known term."

"Oh," John said. "I googled asexuality when I moved in with Sherlock. Always good to be prepared"

His mouth twitched into a smile, and Sarah couldn't help but return it.

" _Nothing_ prepares you for Sherlock Holmes," she said. "Is he really...?"

John shrugged. "Sherlock is... Sherlock. Breathing bores him. He'd give up eating and sleeping if he could. Sex is so far off his radar I don't think he's even bothered to form an opinion on it."

Sarah laughed softly, then went quiet.

"John," she said, "you know this isn't just an opinion. I'm not just going to 'change my mind'."

"I know," he said. "I'm not- I don't really know what to say. I don't know how I'm going to feel about it. I mean, it's fine! It's fine, that you are. But in a relationship, that's a big deal."

Sarah nodded slowly. John was watching her with such an earnest expression. She could see how out of his depth he felt, but he was still trying to get it right - it was awful, and it made her fall for him all over again.

"Don't stay because you think you should," Sarah said. "I couldn't do that."

John looked like he'd missed a step in the dark. "No. No, that's not what this... I wouldn't. I don't know if I'm going to be ok with this. I don't know. Can we just... try?"

His honesty was heartbreaking. It meant a lot to her, but Sarah was beginning to realise what a bad idea this was. She could think of at least sixteen ways it could all go horribly wrong. She should tell him that it wasn't going to work, that they should end it now.

"Ok," she said. "Let's try."

John sagged visibly with relief, and Sarah found she could breathe properly again.

"Can I kiss you now? You obviously don't mind-" John broke off, looking stricken. "You _do_ enjoy kissing, don't you? You haven't just been going along with it?"

Sarah giggled, feeling lightheaded and dizzy. "Kissing is fine," she said. She wrapped her free arm around John's waist. "Kissing is wonderful."

He pressed his mouth against hers, warm and familiar. Sarah finally let herself believe she wasn't going to lose this, not yet. She wanted to memorise it anyway.

When they broke apart, John's lips were flushed and swollen. He was smiling; it was gorgeous and Sarah wanted to kiss him all over again. Instead, she smiled shyly.

"You could stay in my bed tonight, if you wanted."

She resisted the urge to add " _to sleep! With actual sleeping!_ " She had to trust John on this. She knew he'd get it. And she could tell he _had_ gotten it, because his face did something complicated and unsure.

"I'd love to, I would, but I really have to go rescue the neighbourhood from my mad flatmate," he said.

He grinned at her. Sarah didn't point out that if Sherlock wanted to destroy the flat, John's presence would make no difference. It must have shown on her face though, because John stopped in the middle of standing up.

"Tomorrow, ok?" he said. "I promise."

He was bending over her, lips still flushed, and Sarah couldn't help but lean forward.

"Tomorrow," she said, mouth brushing his.

And then they were kissing again, rushed and breathless, and Sarah lost herself in it. She forgot to memorise anything at all.


End file.
